There are several reasons why parents, counsellors, educators and sex therapists try to preach abstinence among the youths and young adults, even during the Valentine season.
The most obvious of these reasons is this: Sex before the accepted, stipulated time can ruin your life. That is why the Sex and Sexuality column is strictly for the mature singles (in legitimate, genuine courtship) and the married lovers. Sex is for the mature, even at such a time like this. It pays for a single to reserve sex for marriage. Sex is not an emergency; it pays to be pure than to be polluted.
I’m sure many youths and young adults have heard all kinds of unsavoury stories before on unwanted pregnancies, STDs, HIV/AIDS and the like, but it is always good to recap. This is not a lecture on the consequences of sex; I hope you know them by now. No, this is an explanation on why maturity is not only important for a healthy and good sex life, during the Valentine period, but that good, satisfying, rewarding, gratifying, and fulfilling sex is for married lovers.
Immature sex happens mostly during the Valentine season when two people (young or old), who have not been legally jointed together as husband and wife, decide in an instant to have sex with each other because it is a season of love. Generally, since little thought has been put into such action, it is over too quickly; the lady sometimes feels remorseful, embarrassed or humiliated, while the man may not be satisfied. Guys (tend to) have immature sex at Valentine in order to compete with their male counterparts. Alternatively, it may be to either satisfy their curiosity or just because every other person is doing it with little or no regard for safety or the after effect. Girls (tend to) have immature sex to secure the affection, attention and love of their boyfriends or to get rid of their virginity quickly so they will not have to be bothered about it later. Also, it is a time many exchange sex for cash or kind. While this is a period some ladies are pressurised into losing their virginity because they think it is an outdated thing to keep their virginity in today’s world. Sometimes and shockingly, girls pressure guys for sex. Generally, all these are recipes for unsafe, disappointing heartbreaking sex.
Immature sex won’t only lead to pregnancy and STDs, but also produce two discontented people with empty souls, and can create a huge rift between people, who were hitherto close. This is truly sad, because sex is supposed to bring two people closer together, not drive them apart. This makes having legalised, good sex all the more important. Sex between two married lovers is a covenant right that makes them soulmates. They are united in spirit, soul and body. To have casual sex this Valentine with just anybody, anyhow, will cause commotion and confusion to the two parties involved.
Mature sex occurs between two married lovers, who have considered their choices. They must have planned how they want this sexual experience to be and the consequences of their actions. Mature sex partners have think about why they want to have sex with their spouse, and how they want to do it. Mature, married sex partners are aware of the dangers and pleasures of sex, and wish to minimise the former and maximise the latter. Because of this, most mature, married lovers may use condoms and/or other birth control methods, to plan their family well. Their thinking faculty and sense of reasoning don’t turn off during the season of Valentine. So, the mature, married sex partners are in their right senses and are constantly thinking during the event, finding new and exciting ways to keep their spouse satisfied, aroused, tantalised, passionate and fulfilled.
Mature sex is far more unlikely to result in unwanted pregnancies and STDs. Nevertheless, it tries to make an electrifying impression on the other married partner involved and bring them closer. Valentine is a season when lovers can talk to each other about what they like and what they don’t like concerning their experiences together, which leads to improvements in future relationship.
The question I want to pose to single youths and young adults is this: Are you wondering if you are mature enough to handle sex?
I’ve compiled a checklist of questions that you can ask yourself to make sure that you are ready.
This Valentine, are you going to have sex just for the sake of having sex, or giving sexual pleasure because you need some things in return – in cash or in kind?
Are you going to have sex because you are pressurised into having sex and afraid to let go of someone? Does the idea of buying condoms make you uncomfortable?
Do you think that you can’t get pregnant during your period? Can you have a healthy normal conversation with your boyfriend or girlfriend without bringing in the topic of sex?
If you answered ‘Yes,’ then you are not mature enough to have sex. Sex comes with full responsibilities.