Is your sex life in a rut? This is a question that every couple would need to answer at some point, no matter how good its sex life is at the moment. One of the biggest challenges that couples who have succeeded in evolving a mutually satisfactory sex life always face is monotony. When monotony sets in, complacency follows and these two are always bad news. Couples need to make periodic appraisals of their sex lives to either prevent monotony or kick it out.
Most times, after a period of hot sizzling sex, things cool down for most couples. When this happens, it should not be viewed with any form of alarm. It is natural for things to cool down a bit when the newness of a new relationship begins to wear off. But I always tell couples not to let their passion fade away. They should put up a fight.
You can reignite your sex life and stay hot for each other once you notice that the waves are ebbing. The good thing is that you can do this on a continual basis. What your sex life needs at this period is a little variation in the way you do things.
However, one difficulty that a spouse may experience when he or she (although it is the woman that is often at the receiving end) suggest a new thing in this area is an attack on trust, one of the important pillars of marriage. But I am glad that an increasing number of spouses can make some of these suggestions without any problem. Of recent, I have been getting emails from husbands and wives who write that they now read this column together. This is good, and should help to reassure men especially, so that they won’t wonder, “Oh, where did she get all these ideas from?” Having said these, the best way to tackle monotony in sex is to attack it with your God-given imagination. For example, you can share some of your long held fantasy, which you have never revealed before, with your spouse. You can do this by telling him or her about something that you have always wanted him or her to do to you. This is usually an adventure into unfamiliar territories that can lead to great sexual encounters.
When a spouse gets too familiar with the things that easily get his or her spouse turned on, he or she could fall into the temptation of seeing the steps as a formula. Most times, we tend to take the same or quickest route to ‘orgasm,’ because that is always the goal. But you don’t have to always take a known route alone. You should always try to explore other paths. In fact, the more indirect the paths, the better. This can help reawake sexual curiosity and excitement.
Relaxing on the sofa together fully clothed, while holding each other and thinking about wild things, can stimulate fresh arousal. Sharing a warm bath or gentle rhythmic massage for fifteen to twenty minutes prior to sex can also bind souls.
You can also tackle monotony by inventing games. When lovers start an affair, they are often always playful with each other. But with time, we tend to lose that sense of laughter and our ability to joke and laugh at ourselves.
For example, you could challenge each other to a game that will make the winner to tickle or slowly caress any part of the loser’s body for a specified period. You could also add that the loser should neither move or shake while being ‘punished’ and that further infractions would lead to an increase of the fine. Other innovative and sensual penalties could also be agreed upon for lost points.
Lastly, couples need to explore the latent power of kisses more. The good thing about kissing is that even when you don’t feel like doing it, once you start, you may find yourself getting into the flow rather quickly. That peck on the cheek whenever you stumble into one another in those few private places in the house, should be turned into full blown sensual kisses that would make you do wild things. Never for one think that passion of yesteryears is gone, it is still in there. All you need to do is awaken it. If you are reading this together now, why not try doing these things right now.
Funmi Akingbade (Mrs) is one of the few women in Nigeria bold enough to express themselves and champion the cause(s) they believe in regardless of the contrary opinions of the general public. She is the first female gospel minister in Nigeria to boldly author a bestseller on sex between married couples from an African perspective using the mass media and conferences to broadcast the topic to the world. …Read more
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