Q: Does menstruation lead to slackness?
Dear Funmi, kindly reply this mail as quickly as possible through this address because I’m highly disturbed and confused. My wife travelled to Europe and after two years, I was able to join her in Europe. On the day of my arrival in Europe, we had sex though she was having her period (menstruation). As I entered her, I noticed that her vagina was loose with very little or no tightness at all. In fact, I went fully in with just one thrust. I was expecting vaginal tightness since I had not slept with her for more than two years and she had repeatedly swore to me that she never had any intercourse with any man. Now, please tell me what could have been responsible for the looseness of the vagina? Is it the menstrual flow of blood? Is it the foreplay? On the other hand, as I suspect, could it be that she has been having sex before my arrival in Europe? – AKD
Hi AKD, I would not be able to precisely say she has been having affairs behind you but medically, the vagina opens up a little wider whenever she is having her cycle. If she vowed her innocence to you please believe her. I would rather you stopped probing and work more on your relationship.
Q: My bum wobbles during sex
My husband loves sex and especially the ‘doggy style,’ but sex is not really my priority. When I’m having sex with him, all I think about is how awful I must look from behind. I have put on weight and my bum is covered with cellulite. Even in the dark, I can feel it jiggling with every thrust. My husband is not bothered a bit, but it really disturbs me a lot. – M, Osogbo
Worrying about your body can destroy your sexual confidence, libido and satisfaction. Wives need to feel attractive in order to enjoy sex. You have to accept and fancy your body. Do not be so hard on yourself. Strangely, you will never hear a man say, “Have you seen Bola’s knees?” But women take microscopes to their bodies, whereas men see us in soft focus – at least during sex. I assure you, when your husband is busy behind you, it is not your cellulite that he is looking at. On the contrary, he is in the third heaven and thanking God for the gift of sex and a good sexual partner. I am positive about this.
Q: He is lazy in bed
My husband is very lazy in bed. He will do anything I want – as long as he can do it lying on his back. I make the moves and do all the hard work. Although he says it turns him on when I’m in charge, I think he just can’t be bothered. He is selfish and self-centred. If he really loved me, he would make the effort to play the lead role. – U, Kebbi
Strangely enough, your husband might be telling the truth. If he’s a true ‘passive lover,’ playing an active role during sex may ruin his fantasy. The fact that he is at your beck and call, giving himself to you for your pleasure is not a sign of selfishness or self-centredness. To many wives, who are mostly turned on by total sexual dominance, your husband is a perfect human sex partner. So be grateful to the type of husband God gave you. Nevertheless, if you prefer a little more pro-active husband, you are going to get bored and resentful. This is about power – he pretends to be passive, but actually he is the one in control of you. If you want a different kind of sex – just ask him (if he is truly submissive he will be happy to comply). Ask him for sex over your kitchen table when you get back from work and he will do it.